Purgatory

Ever go through jury selection on Zoom? You log in, and then it's quiet. For hours. One lady asked, "Is there something going on behind the scenes, or are we just stuck here in Purgatory?" Good question. Merriam Webster defines "purgatory" as something along the lines of a state in which souls are made pure through suffering. Not an exact quote, but you get the idea.

Is it quiet in Purgatory, do you think? Silence. Silence is funny. While waiting for countless hours in the virtual jury room (OK, they weren't countless, I counted them, there were 8 exactly) for something (anything!) to happen, it made me think of the work by Sartre Waiting for Godot. I read it during my Master's program at NYU. From what I remember, it's about these two guys, waiting. People come by and ask why they are waiting. For the bus? For a friend? For death? For a miracle? The entire play... they are just waiting. "Just" waiting. After the book was published, critics stated that the deeper meaning within the book was that they were waiting for "God" - hence the word "Godot" - but this was just one thought. Others weren't sure. Does Sartre even know? 

Then that makes me think about: Does something always need to be happening? Do I always need to be travelling? Do I always need to be working? Do I always need to be thinking?? What happens when we sit in the silence? What happens when I sit in the silence?

I went to a retreat a couple weekends ago. (Love me some retreats!) It was in Chesterfield, New Hampshire. Or as the directions stated, rural New Hampshire. The lovely house, built in 1770, sat on a beautiful plot of land. As usually happens in a retreat, there were moments of quiet. I brought a book my friend Jan had recommended called Eastern Body, Western Mind. I've only just started but it talks about the chakras, both in spiritual/energetic form and in their manifestations in the body. In the Introduction, there is a part that reads, "As excess and deficiency become part of our chronic holding patterns, they can become character armor. This bio-energetic term describes types of coping strategies and their chronic holding patterns locked in the posture and tissues of the body." Holding pattern. Where you're stuck. Like in Purgatory. In the silence.

And in the silence, I was able to think. I am able to feel. What do I want? What will bring me peace? Where do I go from here? What will the future bring? What do I want it to bring? Where is Godot???