Love. Like, love love.

Let's pick up where the entry Sights on the Boardwalk left off (because apparently Molcajete made some of you very hungry! 😂) This is one of the art installations. What do you see? How does it make you feel?

Because each weekday in Mexico (Monday through Friday, for eight weeks) consisted of work (7:30-4) and then a combination of Playa Comida Amor from 4pm to 11pm, I was able to do a lot of introspection, self-reflection, and meditation outside of work hours. Whether I was chilling at the beach, or moseying on the malecon (boardwalk), or having dinner with my fabulous self, I was thinking, analyzing, contemplating. Resting too, and sometimes trying to think about nothing at all, but you all know how hard that is. 

I want to take you back a little bit. A lot of the "meditation" piece that I make reference to, truly got ignited at an energy retreat that I attended back in May in the Dominican Republic. Not really knowing what I was getting into because when my really good friend Jessica said, "My friend Nathalie is a therapist and is doing a retreat in her home country of the D.R.", without hearing more details I immediately said, "I'm in" quickly followed by "Are we flying first class?" 🤣as I'm trying to reinstate my United Gold status. It was enough knowing that me, my good (great) friend, and a great friend of hers had the chance to travel to a place I had never been.... sign.me.up!! I never imagined it would change the course of my life. Because once onsite at the retreat, I met some of the most amazing women that I've ever met in my life. 

The group circle time was centered around learning about energy, the chakras, the pranic tube, and meditation. Nathalie's questions during circle time, as well as my discussions with the other women when not in circle time, gave me much pause. What do I want out of life? What is really important to me? I am a divorcee less than one year out from my divorce; I married a man I was absolutely crazy in love with, but I left the marriage to save myself. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do in my entire life, and then after that, I had to pick up the pieces. I was at my heaviest physical weigh ever, the emotional weight in the last year of the marriage had been unbearable, and I felt I had given my final childbearing years to someone who would never appreciate them. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I was feeling sorry for myself and searching for answers.

(Photo credit to Jan Ubel, who also urged me to "take back my butterfly" 🦋)

Let's back up to about six months before the retreat - to December 2021. I picked up the phone and called my longtime friend's wife and said, "I'm making a change. Sign me up for that weight loss program you were telling me about." She asked me if I had any questions about it and I replied, "Nope. I've done all my research, and I'm all in. Let's do it." Needless to say, I have come a long way in the last ten months. I have lost 40 pounds to date. 40 pounds! That's like a small labradoodle... I've lost a whole dog! 😂😍 But my body dysmorphia is gone and my confidence is back, and has gone through the roof, actually. The transformation has been instrumental in allowing me to concentrate on my emotional health.

So in the D.R. I was able to not only finally verbalize that I had been harboring somewhat of a victim mentality when it came to the fact that I was 43 and childless, instead of owning my path up to this point, which was filled with trips around the world, living and working in 4 different countries, travel to and within 4 continents, obtaining 2 masters degrees at Universities on opposite ends of the USA with a stint at the Sorbonne (oooh la la!), and working in child-centric jobs that I had absolutely loved, including a career that to this day I am thankful for because even after 10 years it has ways of challenging me every week (in a good way!). So, in the D.R. I said "no more!" to my victim mentality. I was going to own my path here on out, and resolve to move forward with whatever life has to offer. There are so many different ways to "have kids," so even though I may not birth my own, I can be a great "auntie" and hey... fostering is still on the table.

Additionally, a woman on the retreat in D.R. recommended "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. The subtitle of the book is "The Journey Beyond Yourself" and can I say, what a journey it has been! It followed me to Mexico, where I started reading the book while sunning on the Playa. It's not light-hearted stuff; it really made me think, and think again. It allowed me to figure out how to be more self-aware, and check in with myself more. But the line in the book that stopped me in my tracks was this: 

"When you close your heart center, energy can't flow in. When energy can't flow in, there is darkness. The only thing you have to know is that opening allows energy in, and closing blocks it out. You can actually train yourself to forget how to close it. If you like energy, and you do, then don't ever close. Because if you want, you can learn to stay open no matter what happens in this world." ❤️

These words brought about true change in myself and my energy. Not only did I decide that I DID want the energy to flow and for my heart to remain open, but I also decided that I wanted my throat chakra (communication) to open up, remain open, and then become linked to my heart chakra. This is where D.R. and Mexico meet. Most importantly though, THIS-- opening my heart and keeping it open-- is what allowed me to find love: amor de cancion, like I talked about in my first blog post about amor (Amor de Canción (Love of Music) (dorothyinmexico.blogspot.com) , love of myself- who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming, and then ... romantic love. Like, love love. Like, meet someone and be swept off your feet love. When I came to the realization that I am enough, someone else came along. Not because I needed him, but because I was finally enough for myself. (I feel like a Lucille Ball swooning/fainting meme would be appropriate here!)

You know what's coming. Signing off for tonight with some sunset photos and I'm sure some of you are throwing popcorn at the screen shouting "But I want to hear more about LOVE love!" See you next week! More love is coming soon! Because, you know... love 🥰.